Hey guys.....

Hey guys sorry for the invite if you don’t wanna be here leave ..... okay sooo.... this is a vent I guess that idk how to type I have a million drafts on my phone sooo yeah...... what should or where should I start ummm .... well my best freind the Plz don’t tell her about this well she’s at sick kids for .... depression idk what’s going on they said she would be there for a day but that’s turn into a week and I’m worried the reason she went for her 3rd time I think was because she tried to kill herself again ...... I got so scared now I can’t contact her at all and so much has been going on but I don’t really talk about my problems I always listen to hers I don’t wanna talk to her about mine I want her to focus on her and that’s all but then that left me with no one to talk to I never talked to my family cause it’s rare fo all of them to be in the same room all together and when they are it ends up in a fight of ends in like 5 minutes yeah...... then I found jase I thought I could talk to her about my problems but then she came to me with hers and it ended up like something with my best friend I listened and gave advice when we became girlfriend’s I thought when not I have to tell someone and not just keep talking to myself but she broken with me and blocked me before I could...... I tried to smile and I did I went on with my everyday life occasionally tii I inking about her and keep in mind this happened in the couple days my bestie has been gone so how do I tell her that I got a girlfriend then broke up with her and she has problems with her gf to she got her heart broken then they got back together then there’s my past nothing bad happened it’s just for my entire life up to 3rd grade I lived my life isolated no friends that I spent time with during recess yet I knew so many people no one not a single one spent time with me so I just hanged around the school felid on my own then I switched schools it was the same thing until I made a real friend let’s call her kk we slowly got closer and became best freinds but looking back it felt like I was always in her shadow and still am we do the same things yet she’s better then me at everything same thing back then then came grade 4 it was all the same I made more freinds my freind group became 4 people and I was happy but I felt distant from the group at certain times but I got into the gifted program (basically a program for “smarter” kids) I had to switch schools 1 more year passed we barely stayed in touch then from my current best freind heard that kk was calling me names I didn’t really care for some reason I kept thinking about her then drama happened I feel like my old best friend and my bestie right now are closer to each other then me kk also fell into depression and I started thinking everyone around me was always sad I always wondered why all my freinds had depression but I smiled for them I still never had someone to talk to know let’s go farther into my past I was 6 months old when my dad died I spent more time with my aunt then my mom only able to see her on weekends 5 years old my half sister and half brother left me but I didn’t realize how actally messed up my life was then as I grew older I realized life wasn’t as perfect as I though it was I found out something called the middle finger I found out about swear words all that stuf how horrible the world actally was even now still I learned homophobia was a thing I learned haveing your garage always smelling like cigarettes was not normal my entire world flipped I didn’t know what to do (oh yeah and at this time my step dad came into my life) then there’s school I thought I was doing so well until the gifted program at first I was fine but as the work got harder I got yelled at more I stopped doing homework more my grades got lower now we’re here my parents talking I can do better BUT I TRIED TO DO BETTER. It was a B on a test almost everybody got perfect on I just sat there listening to everyone comparing marks either 1 wrong or perfect I cried I was supposed to be smart that’s what I left my old school for at least some people there liked me here no one not even who I thought was my best friend there I was just a stupid hyper active girl that can’t do any work I just sat there drawing trying not to think so I kept trying to more I tried the lower my grades the less I understood I thought I could do anything my dream of NASA was quickly shattered with the hope I even live until I become an adult then there’s everyone around me @music_is_my_muse I thought she was my scratch bestie until she left I can’t get onto her account now she dissapered then more people left me jase quin (a insta freind ) and I feel like I’m more distant from all my freinds even on scratch I type something trying to keep up the act that is my personality I am nice sometimes I don’t fake but if I don’t think wut I’m typing I makes me sound weird so I watch wut I type making sure I don’t type anything bad