Before I get into my venting, I want to make something clear.
If you didn't want an invite, then please leave. I really don't need you telling me you don't accept studio invites. It really just strains my energy, stresses me out and wastes my time trying to keep track of everyone that doesn't accept invites.
Now imma vent.
Recently I've been going through a lot of personal and emotional problems that I don't know how to handle. For starters, I feel really stressed out and unsatisfied with my artwork. I can't draw anything anymore that looks even remotely good. I just hate my art style and I always feel like I can do better, even though I don't even know if I can. This leads into some other thoughts I have about myself, the most common one being that I'm not good enough. I feel really underappreciated when it comes to things I actually can do, and for some reason I just can't stand to see myself do worse than someone else. I don't know if this makes me a bad person. Another thing that I have been noticing is that people have frequently been treating me like garbage. For example, the girls on my basketball team yell at me and talk to me like I'm stupid and useless. I can't stand it but I'm too scared to tell them because they are older than me and much more confident. I kind of hate this about myself because I'm such a pushover to the point that I can't even express my own feelings anymore. I hate it so much. I also feel like I'm not accepted for being bi. I'm mostly on the lesbian side I think, and I have been judged several times for this. A couple days ago I was at a science camp and my cabin leader asked if there were "any cute boys" at our school. I said no and that I was attracted to girls, which earned me stares from the other girls like a was a disgusting bug or something. A lot of people that I used to be friends with last year or earlier in the year have just been treating me like garbage and I can't stand it. I don't know what to do anymore because I'm too worried to talk to them or tell someone. I feel like being around this is just making me feel worse and worse about myself to the point of where I just really hate myself and find myself frequently wishing I was someone else. I've been too scared to talk to anyone about any of this in fear of them telling me I'm making too big of a deal about it. I constantly feel worried about expressing my feelings because I'm worried that people will say I'm "begging for attention" or whatever. So instead I'm keeping all of this bottled up in hopes that it will get better. However I do have a therapist that I try to talk to, I just feel nervous and I cry a lot whenever I try to explain this.
Thanks for listening to my vent.